Wednesday, August 17, 2005
TeaRs CanT be ConTroLWenT to help mum to collect her medicines over @SGH yesterday.... upon reaching the bus stop to take the shuttle bus in... i starting recollecting my memories of the time i went to visit granny with grandauntie.... den when the bus went pass block 9, the sight of granny keep flashing through my mind... the bus drove pass the car park we park our car at when we visit gran, den went into SGH, block 6.... my tears went rolling down... saw the polar cafe at block 6, rem the times we were eating at the cafe with sisters and auntie... went to the pharmacy, leave the prescription and den went to delifrance to have my breakfast cum lunch... on the journey from pharmacy to delifrance, my recollections of the days when granny is in the hospital came to me again... sob sob... after ard 1 hr, went back to the pharmacy, but it's nt my turn yet... so went to the physiotherpy clinic... again, i rem the days i accompany granny to do her check-ups... and apparently the dr ask her to go for physiotherpy... den the physiotherpist asked me to rem gran's exercise and make sure she does it at home.... i rem those days, when i come home, i will ask gran, have u done it?? she will always say yes... ahahaa... but i know she didnt, even if she did, she didnt do the correct way... ^_^ haiz~
last night, i dreamt of gran... she came back to life.... (must have watch too much television shows...) i was over the moon.... hug her so tightly.... it's pretty real... the hug... i seem to be able to feel it... got so much to tell her.. but didnt really get to talk much...
actually was tell ann that it's really too sudden for me to accept gran's departure... she discharge from the hospital on thurs... and she look so gd... i really didnt noe she will leave so suddenly... her will of living is so strong.... she promised me that she will start walking on monday!! she will go downstairs on monday!! on the day before she discharge, she started talking to me abt what she will be cooking for us.... but since she's back she didnt leave her bed.... the monday didnt arrive... why??? i left hse on sunday without telling her... she looked for me!!! she wanted to ask me to go to the market to buy her favourite fried hokkien mee... but i went to work!!! WITHOUT TELLING HER!!! i really dunno why i didnt tell her that day... i always make sure i tell her tat i am leaving the hse or i reach home already.... but that day i didnt... left home at ard 5+... reach home ard 10+ but granny is GONE!!! i saw her at the lift lobby with the paramedics... i home and den left home with dad for TTSH... on the car dad was saying wat if gran is gone... i told him.. no worries... gran is okie... it will be just like in the past... go hospital to stay for awhile only.. ask him nt to talk nonsense... but over at the A&E, the paramedics told me and ann that actually her heart beat stopped on the way here... and the dr are now trying to save her... ann tempt was too high... she couldnt go into the a&E department... so i went in instead... i wait outside a rm... i was crying very badly... when the dr came out to ask me some qn abt granny's medical history... i saw gran inside... the drs were reviving her heartbeat.... i started crying further... the dr tried to calm me down.. but obviously didnt manage to... auntie jane arrived, so i went out for her to go in... cos only one person can go in to the department... gradually, my other uncles and aunties came.. we waiting outside the A&E department... waited till 11+ aunt gave a call to us and say the dr tried their best but couldnt get her back.... my... i cried further... hugging ann.. or rather she's trying to support me... i cant accept it... den some of my aunts & uncles came and give me a pat... consoling me... but... how to accept??? she was fine just hours ago... i regreted not talkin to her much on sun...
i miss the times when i have stomachache, i would always go into her room and she would help me apply medicated oil... i miss the times when i come home, complained to her the unhappiness i tolerated for the whole day... i miss the times when i am bored, i go into her room, lie beside her and tell her i am tired... i miss the times when i scold jalyn, she would always ask me nt to scold her... i miss the times when i came back from work, brushing my teeth, washing face etc, she would talk to me... and i would tell her wat happen in the clinic.. whether did my dr send me home... i miss the times she wake me up.... i miss the times she cooked breakfast for me.. i miss the times she buy breakfast for me... i miss the times when she's always so concerned if i've eaten... i miss the times she ask me to do this and do that... i miss the times i watch tv with her... animated mr bean...she would always laugh at mr bean... art attack... she would always say wow, this guy is fantastic... animated tazan... she will say this tazan dun look as good as the old times' tazan... channel 55 drama shows... channel 8 4.30pm and 5.30pm shows.... she would always tell me what happen... she either watched before or how the real history is like... i really miss the times i chat with her in her room... really.... we can chat abt anything under the sun... she tell me abt my uncles and aunties.... she tell me abt her past... she tell me abt history... the songs they sing... things she do... and of course listen to my complaints.... i really miss her.... i hope everthing is just a dream and tml i will wake up to see granny in her room....
11:43 PM
CherrieminT