Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Meaningless LiFe..
Actually, what is the meaning of life? i really cant make it out.. Everyday, i look at the people around me.. i ask myself.. what are they working for? ppl studying so hard to get their degree, master, doctorate... so what if they achieve them? earn big bucks.. get the life they want.. Ha!
But watever it is.. they have their goals, their aspirations..
ME??
I dunno.. i am beginning to lose faith in life.. My life seems very meaningless... School, work, school, work.. i dunno.. i am lost.. lost in this big and cold place... What are the hard work for? What are my goals.. i have lost myself.. I used to be a student with tonnes of determination in my teacher's eyes.. but i seems to have lose it.. losing it along with the role as a wonnderful granddaughter to my dearest most beloved grandmother.. losing the capable daughter of my parents.. losing the lovable sister of my sisters..
I was speaking to a friend the other day.. were discussing on things like socialibility... initially were talking abt my other friends.. den he added that for my case.. it seems like it depends on my mood.. hmm.. sounds a bit true.. but actually i think 'energy levél' is the more suitable description.. esp during my internship.. work and work.. during office hours.. after office hours.. weekdays.. weekends.. when ppl are TGIF, me??? ha! TGIHD.. Thank god i havent die.. by friday.. my energy level is nearly gone... how am i able to smile, talk, to reply.. to crack jokes.. or the most basic to laugh at jokes.. if i'm still able to smile, talk.. i think i have really tried my best.. i know the amount of work i have to do is relatively little as compare to many.. but this really tires me.. efforts put in that are not appreciated.. pressure keep rising... feel like being thrown into a pressure cooker.. someone has switched on the electricity supply but forgotten to switch off... soon i'll be cooked alive...
anyway, back to my friend.. i told him that working so hard makes me really tired.. blah blah blah... he told me to hang on... things like not to end life too easily.. not to give up... hmm... although i may sound pessimistic.. but i got to hang on.. i dun have a choice... i have to life up to my roles as a obedient sensible granddaughter.. capable and dependent daugther.. dearest sister.. i am not entitled to choose.. there's nothing much i can do..
If i have a wish.. i really hoped for a whole new world.. a world i can enjoy.. nothing but enjoy.. enjoy the companies of my loves one.. esp my grandma.. enjoy the things i do.. things i see, touch taste, hear etc etc.. But i know the reality is cruel.. I dun have a choice...
1:01 AM
CherrieminT